Building a family is one of the most important journeys in life and for some of us this may include surrogacy or fertility treatments. While these are very personal choices, family members will have a lot to say about it which may make things a bit more complicated. This article is intended to help intended parents, especially those between 30 and 55 years old, who are trying to make sense of family opinions and opinions about them.
Opinions from family members can be emotionally charged since families are close and families come with expectations. For example, a couple may inform their parents of their decision to try surrogacy, and in return, receive raised eyebrows or advice they did not ask for. This can be quite depressing and tiring, especially when such reactions are made by people who have not really taken the time to understand the situation. It is important for intended parents to realize any pain such opinions may cause and to realize they are not the only one going through this.
Family members will have strong opinions about surrogacy because it goes against the grain of what a family and parenting is. Some people especially those from the older generation may not fully appreciate the emotions and processes that are involved in surrogacy. They might have formed their opinions based on what they have heard or seen in the media or what they have been told by others. From my own experience of getting raised eyebrows at family functions, I remember my uncle giving me a speech on how people should only have children the natural way, without even knowing the medical and emotional aspects of our decision to try surrogacy.
The perception that family members have towards surrogacy and fertility treatments could be influenced by cultural and generational tendencies. Younger people tend to have more knowledge on the matter as they have been exposed to more information than the previous generation. It is therefore important to consider how they may have different perceptions of the process.
You should also think of starting conversations that can help to narrow the gap between the two generations. Describe how you have benefited and been affected by these experiences. Make sure that you do not have a conversation that is based on the opinions of the two parties but rather a conversation that is based on the understanding of the two parties.
Communication is very important in handling family opinions. First of all, define what parts of your fertility journey you are ready to discuss. This way, you allow your family to see your point of view and break the barrier on discussing such topics.
As they say, knowledge is power, and this holds true when dealing with skepticism. Provide them with brochures, websites, or take them to conferences or seminars about surrogacy and fertility. Give them facts that will help them overcome beliefs that are not true and give them a clear picture of the situation.
You should not start your conversations in a way that is likely to lead to an argument. Instead, try to make your conversations more question and answer based, express the willingness to explain, and concentrate on the positive aspects of the experience. Thus, the family members may not feel so threatened to share their thoughts about what is happening in your lives.
Determine who among your family members may be more likely to support or at least understand your point of view, and ask them to help the others understand. A supportive cousin or sibling can sometimes act as a mediator, helping to convey how important these decisions are to you and your partner.
Look for professional help from a therapist, a counselor, or a fertility coach who can give you both emotional and practical support with no prejudice. These professionals can give tips on how to handle negative people and stay mentally fit.
It means looking after your mental health in such a way that you are doing all you can to prevent problems. Take some time to do things that make you happy and calm. This may involve going for walks in the natural environment, meditating, or doing things that interest one.
It is essential to celebrate the little successes in the process. Every step, be it selecting a suitable surrogate agency or getting good news from the fertility expert, is significant. It is also important to reward yourself for these achievements as it has a positive effect on your emotional strength.