Alex Kornswiet was 26 when she found out she’d need IVF to get pregnant. She had a feeling that something was not right, but had to advocate for herself to get a diagnosis around her infertility. Alex’s first son was born after only one IVF cycle; extending their family a second time was more difficult though. What followed was a painful journey of multiple IVF cycles and loss, and a grieving process that led them to accept surrogacy as an option for their family.

Today, Alex is mom to two boys, her youngest through surrogacy only a few weeks old. She’s also author of the book How to Help Friends and Family Through Infertility. We’ve loved having her on our Instagram Live to chat about her IVF and surrogacy experience, what she learned along the way, and how being your own advocate impacts your journey.

Alex talked about how difficult it was to accept that she won’t be able to carry a child again, but that at one point both she and her husband realized that “the goal is not for [her] to carry a child, it’s to have a healthy child.” She also shared what it was like to shift from patient to intended parent and how she overcame that emotional journey.

Check out the full chat with Alex for the lessons she learned along her fertility journey, and helpful insight including on:

• The importance of advocating for yourself throughout the entire process, from the very first appointment until the birth: “it’s ok to find a doctor that you think will listen to you”
• Why they worked with a surrogacy agency
• How her surrogacy lawyer helped keep everything she needed on track with the contract and birth certificate
• What matching with a gestational carrier was like (in their case, it took only 3 weeks to find an ideal match!) 
• Why choosing a surrogacy-friendly hospital for the birth made a world of difference.
• Options for financing your surrogacy journey 
• How being proactive, doing your research and going through all your options, helps.

“The goal is not for me to carry a child, it’s to have a healthy child.” – Alex Kornswiet

Follow Alex on Instagram @wheneverybodymatters for support and helpful advice.